Da Coconut Repablik

A Chronicle of the Da Pinoys and Da Coconut Repablik of Da Pilipins

Da Pinoy Chronicle: The Aswang Chronicles Review

Well, this is the final conclusion if i rate this film a good rating or a shitty one. First of all, some of you may not agree on my opinions expressed here about the review. Secondly, this film is better than the fucking Twilight Saga in most aspects. Thirdly, it was better than mainstream Filipino movies to date. So let’s start the shit.

I can’t imagine several people, including reviewers who are Filipino rated this film 8 or 7 out of 10, are they eating cretins? Why the fuck they will rate this film that high? Are they smoking crack or what. In my honest opinion the film flat out sucks, why?

Some critics will point the special effects were great but its not, the film was over animated to the point you will just imagine the actors fighting CGI than real actors. Now some of my detractors will rant, it was cool and great and you are not a Filipino, but who gives a shit?

As i will say, CGI or special effects will not make a film watchable. Just take a look at the piece of crap that even won the Metro Manila Film Festival.  Fortunately, Asiong Salonga won most of the awards, which was a watchable film. It was ok, but not great or  horrible.

The film was shot Sin City style. The soundtrack was awesome, the actors acted ok and the story was ok. But the film that we will talk tonight is not ok. It is a piece of shit. A film that deserves to be eaten by sharks. Fuck also the director who thought about it.

The film suffers from the same old defects that most Filipino film had. Hammy acting, nonsensical script and dialogue, annoying laughing gags, bad and lame ass jokes and especially a shitty plot. Oh come, some hail it as Pinoy Pride, well that belief is bullshit.

This film disappointed me. I had lots of expectations from this one, but it was gone to waste. Looks like the budget was almost placed at bad CGI effects. Hey film, if you want to imitate Michael Bay, you sucked so much. This film is worse than Transformers. This film is comparable to The Last Airbender and that shitty film about lechon manoks in regards to absolute fuckness.

Though the film tried to be watchable, thanks to its cinematography, it was not enough. It was full of loopholes that can be easily fixed. It had several flaws that prevented it to be an ok film for me. If they want the film to succeed, they must at least try to put a bit more effort at acting and its plot. But no, they wasted most of the money on special effects.

In conclusion, i rate this movie 4/10. A poor movie that deserves to be forgotten,although it was not as worse than most Filipino films and Twilight. This was an abomination and a rip off of the Left 4 Dead Franchise mixed with Call of Duty. This is an epic failure! This is also as  shit as Dragonball Evolution! It was also to be a horror film right? It looks more like a surreal mess.

Hey guys until next week, and this is Da Pinoy Chronicle. Goddammit, time to watch Borat and Valkyria Chronicles to remove this bullcrap from my mind! I officially recommending you to watch Valkyria Chronicles, the anime is pretty good and better than contemporary telenovelas.

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