Da Coconut Repablik

A Chronicle of the Da Pinoys and Da Coconut Repablik of Da Pilipins

Da Pinoy Chronicle:The Twilight Saga:Breaking Dawn Part 2 Review

Well folks, it’s been a while. I know there are several headlines this week such as the Amalayer girl, which is the main topic of my other article maybe this night or tomorrow. It is our exams week, so I can’t update the blog much as I did for the last two months.

I am surprised that my blog had reached 1,800 views in just two months. Away from that let’s review the 2012 abomination called Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2. I am doing this for a living other than bashing religious fanatics.

To my readers, let us pay respect for our brothers who will watch Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 with their girlfriends. We hope that you will survive this horseshit of a film. We hope that you will return alive, as this film is considered a method of execution in some remote communities and North Korea.

This is horrible than Battlefield Earth or even Batman and Robin.We hope you survive the screams of your girlfriends in a scene where the bitch will fuck the vampire. Stay alive and survive. Oh the kicker, it was called a saga.

The Twilight Saga, honestly how the fuck can you say it with a straight face? It is not a saga, it is about a horny chick who wants to fuck a vampire, nothing more nothing less. This film is notorious for being the cause of suicide of males because their girlfriends had forced them to watch.

The film, as I said earlier, is the preferred form of execution and torture in  some communities and countries especially North Korea. As North Korea suffers through a crisis in its economy and its politics, the military decreed that Twilight will be the preferred method of torture and execution in order to save ammunition.

From 2001 to 2011, Human Rights Watch reported that 115 political prisoners had committed suicide after seeing the first ten minutes of this film. The prison guards are equipped with an elaborate headset with the song “Macarena” in order for not to be affected by the film.

In my personal opinion, the film franchise is indeed a form of execution because your mind will be blacked out by the screaming girls in the theatre. Seriously, why the fuck is this popular? Oh, Gothic literature.

I mean, the film franchise suffers from poor acting, laughable dialogue, laughable plot, everything is laughable except the soundtrack which I think kind of decent. In just the first 15 minutes of this film, i had walked out from the theatre. The plot concerns about the civil war of Vampires with Edward Cullen and Bella Swan joining the fight against some sort of an evil vampire sect known as the Denali.

The flaws of the last 4 films is still evident and were not solved. The acting feels like a teenage drama and it is of poor quality, much like an addicted meth user. Some fans will point out that this is the final battle of epic proportions. Do you know in New Moon, there are dudes that transformed into Pokemons?

That Jacob Black guy is probably the most decent actor in the whole franchise and perhaps the most kindest. He took care of Bella and loved her legitimately. He competes with Edward just for her. Ah the power of love. Bella on the other hand is a piece of elephant dung.

This girl is probably the most stupidest, lamest, dumb and an overall piece of shit. In the first film, she asks her family that she will marry Edward. Edward liked him in the first place because of some other reasons like you guess it, blood! Enough of that, this film is probably the most decent film of the franchise, but it is still very lame and you will not control yourself to laugh at it.

Filipina teenagers loved it and were converted into Twilight fanatics, an entire legion of mindless girls who screams, and screams, and screams that they loved the film franchise. They are also very fanatical in defending the film franchise, hey just like Justin Bieber fans. It also clearly points out that Filipinas are so onion skinned and hysterical to a fad.

This film and its franchise is an abomination to film. It is as bad as cheesy Filipino films that I am forced to watch just for the sake of reviewing it. It is as bad as Battlefield Earth, hell it has surpassed Batman and Robin by 3 million points. Admiral General Aladeen did not even liked it.

This film is bad, very very very bad. If you are a critic you can laugh at it. But for the ordinary viewer, you can still classify it as a crappy film. I am glad the director did not Michael Bayed Twilight. It stays where it is, it sucks.

Hell I did not even read the novels, it is not even worth reading. I am more oriented in reading classics such as 1984, The Count Of Monte Cristo, Brave New World, The Three Musketeers, The Last Of The Mohicans, All Quiet in The Western Front, A Clockwork Orange, as well as modern novels such as Jarhead, Delirium, Black Hawk Down, Fatherland and Imperium. I also prefer Shakespearean and Victorian literature.

I know the Twilight novel was critically acclaimed but the film was critically panned. I prefer to watch anime films or war films in order to remove the terror. I will never renounce my criticism to Twilight.

My rating?: 2.5/10, This is worst as the Last Airbender film. Do not watch it except you want to laugh at the screen for 2 hours. It is a waste of money. Tell this to your girlfriend and her friends, this film sucks. I want Roger Ebert to add it in his book, This Movie Sucks. If you want a cool vampire show or a video game, watch Hellsing and play Castlevania.

Still goodbye shitty film. May you are permanently lay to thy rest.

Well if you excuse me, i will play a song that fits the theme of vampires and I prefer you to watch this film:


2 comments on “Da Pinoy Chronicle:The Twilight Saga:Breaking Dawn Part 2 Review

  1. PHguy
    November 16, 2012


  2. Anon
    November 17, 2012

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