A Chronicle of the Da Pinoys and Da Coconut Repablik of Da Pilipins
You has offended my feelings Dan Brown for this racist book “Inferno”. Your pathetic, you go to hell for saying that. We are the proud Pilipino race and all of the people of the world knows that we excellent singers, artists, dancers. We proud of Manny Fuckyaw because he is idol on everyone of us. He recently ‘disciplined’ a disobedient barangay captain through his most blessed fists. His stance against the un-Catholic “RH law” is proof that the Lard is watching-over the Philippines. We are God’s chosen people because we are only the Catholic country in Asia. We suffered too much from the Spanish and American Imperialists.
They destroyed our culture and our democracy because of that. Ito lang ang masasabi ko Dan Brown. Tang ina mong gago ka porket na mahirap lang ang Maynila hinuhusgahan mo na. Isa kang malking tanga at bakla. You are an Imperialist scum you motherfucker. You are a devil and an heretic. You are persona non grata to our proud people! We are ze greatest country in the world and all other countries are run by little girls! We are the number one exporter of OFW’s because we rock. We are so nationalistic that we do not allow foreign imperialists to dominate us with their businesses.
We are the most beautiful country on Earth, we have Boracay! We have Rizal who fought for our freedom against the Spanish Imperialists! This foreigner who have commented negatively about our country must be executed. He must be burn at the stake and his ashes offered to the Lard! The Lard Almighty blessed us with natural resources unlike those heretics from Japan, those smelly Indians and those fucking Chinese! I will not forget also those Jews!
Our faith in the Lard binds us as a nation. We are all Tagalog and we speak Tagalog. Read our history first, our struggle before you judge us Dan Brown. Manila gates of hell? Good thing you found it, Satan is waiting for you a long time ago. Hindi ka na Dan brown, Dan Black ka na dahil sunog kana. Smell also your brown Dan. Mas mabaho pa yata yon kaysa sa amin.
I’d agree with Chairman Tolentino, The police here are so friendly. They only ask for 500 pesos instead of 1000 for minor traffic offences. Oh, and the traffic here is wonderful. You can feel the summer heat and the smell of burning gas. That’s progress for you! You can also visit Tondo and Payatas, they are environmentally friendly that is why some of them have no electricity! The squatter is a powerful force here, they can acquire vast tracts of land from the middle class.
They are often dramatised by the media as class struggles. Like we Pinoys have right to be stupid, they have the right to be dirty and poor! The tambays here are productive members of our society, they speak a kind of lingo called “Jejemon”, a mix of cow turd and Esperanto. Everywhere in Manila, there is a computer shop. A computer shop is an isolated environment of intelligent people playing DOTA. They scream with their lungs always “Putang ina mo bobo ka weak”, meaning “The game is good!”
Our people are so advanced, we are actually developing a new lingua franca. It will soon be adopted in schools and computer shops. It is known as ‘Jejemon’, and no language could be better for clarity and depth of emotion like “eoW powHZZ Muzta na U”. See the words and messages are so deep that you need a driller to search for its meaning. Our people are so religious that there are sex videos released weekly by our artists and ordinary people. As you know, porn and protest rally are the past time of the people in Manila.
This is not the Gates of Hell, this is the gates of heaven! You can ask the peddlers and pickpockets to steal your phone and be killed because their role is to serve humanity. You can easily go to heaven here. You may find yourself floating at the cleanest river in the world Pasig River. Our malls are also the biggest, and we spend a shitload of money on Starbucks!
Manila not only serves the body, but also the soul. The street children make it their duty to approach you during a jeepney ride, to remind you to be kind and share some money they really need. They remind you to have Christian charity and give them some money for their “rugby”. They teach you how to have pity so that you may go to heaven one day. What could be better than that?
Look at what happens now. We cast down a fallen angel called Alfredo Lim, for attempting to introduce the evils of “law and order”. We replaced him with the saintly Erap Estrada. Now people can enjoy the amusement of jueteng right across their streets. See, is this not heaven? This is in fact like the song said “Oooh heaven is a place on Earth!” You have even no MOA, we have MOA and you can swim at Manila Bay and not get sick.
Alam mo? Marami nang nag sorry sa amin dahil hindi nila kaya. Kaya we demand a public apology! Magkaisa tayo mga Pinoy laban sa mga banyaga! Mabuhay ang lahing kamyumanggi! Ipaglaban natin ang ating lahi! Sa mga Pinoy na deindepensahan si Dan Brown, mga traidor kayo ng ating lahi. Mga MAKAPILI! Mga walang utang na loob! They are assholes! Mga abnormal lang sila! Mga elitista at inutil. Ano bang ginawa nila? Alam ko na may Illuminati at parte si Dan Brown don!
Mga katutubo ng Katagalugan magkaisa tayo! Supilin ang mga racists sa mundo! I am proud to be Penoy! Sabi nga ni Rizal “Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika ay higit pa sa amoy ng mabahong isda”