Da Coconut Repablik

A Chronicle of the Da Pinoys and Da Coconut Repablik of Da Pilipins

Shame On You Dan Brown, Fliplandia is On the Centre of Hell!

You has offended my feelings Dan Brown for this racist book “Inferno”. Your pathetic, you go to hell for saying that. We are the proud Pilipino race and all of the people of the world knows that we excellent singers, artists, dancers. We proud of Manny Fuckyaw because he is idol on everyone of us. He recently ‘disciplined’ a disobedient barangay captain through his most blessed fists. His stance against the un-Catholic “RH law” is proof that the Lard is watching-over the Philippines. We are God’s chosen people because we are only the Catholic country in Asia. We suffered too much from the Spanish and American Imperialists.

They destroyed our culture and our democracy because of that. Ito lang ang masasabi ko Dan Brown. Tang ina mong gago ka porket na mahirap lang ang Maynila hinuhusgahan mo na. Isa kang malking tanga at bakla. You are an Imperialist scum you motherfucker. You are a devil and an heretic. You are persona non grata to our proud people! We are ze greatest country in the world and all other countries are run by little girls! We are the number one exporter of OFW’s because we rock. We are so nationalistic that we do not allow foreign imperialists to dominate us with their businesses.

We are the most beautiful country on Earth, we have Boracay! We have Rizal who fought for our freedom against the Spanish Imperialists! This foreigner who have commented negatively about our country must be executed. He must be burn at the stake and his ashes offered to the Lard! The Lard Almighty blessed us with natural resources unlike those heretics from Japan, those smelly Indians and those fucking Chinese! I will not forget also those Jews!

Our faith in the Lard binds us as a nation. We are all Tagalog and we speak Tagalog. Read our history first, our struggle before you judge us Dan Brown.  Manila gates of hell? Good thing you found it, Satan is waiting for you a long time ago. Hindi ka na Dan brown, Dan Black ka na dahil sunog kana. Smell also your brown Dan. Mas mabaho pa yata yon kaysa sa amin.

I’d agree with Chairman Tolentino, The police here are so friendly. They only ask for 500 pesos instead of 1000 for minor traffic offences. Oh, and the traffic here is wonderful. You can feel the summer heat and the smell of burning gas. That’s progress for you! You can also visit Tondo and Payatas, they are environmentally friendly that is why some of them have no electricity! The squatter is a powerful force here, they can acquire vast tracts of land from the middle class.

They are often dramatised by the media as class struggles. Like we Pinoys have right to be stupid, they have the right to be dirty and poor! The tambays here are productive members of our society, they speak a kind of lingo called “Jejemon”, a mix of cow turd and Esperanto. Everywhere in Manila,  there is a computer shop. A computer shop is an isolated environment of intelligent people playing DOTA. They scream with their lungs always “Putang ina mo bobo ka weak”, meaning “The game is good!”

Our people are so advanced, we are actually developing a new lingua franca. It will soon be adopted in schools and computer shops. It is known as ‘Jejemon’, and no language could be better for clarity and depth of emotion like “eoW powHZZ Muzta na U”. See the words and messages are so deep that you need a driller to search for its meaning. Our people are so religious that there are sex videos released weekly by our artists and ordinary people. As you know, porn and protest rally are the past time of the people in Manila.

This is not the Gates of Hell, this is the gates of heaven! You can ask the peddlers and pickpockets to steal your phone and be killed because their role is to serve humanity. You can easily go to heaven here. You may find yourself floating at the cleanest river in the world Pasig River. Our malls are also the biggest, and we spend a shitload of money on Starbucks!

Manila not only serves the body, but also the soul. The street children make it their duty to approach you during a jeepney ride, to remind you to be kind and share some money they really need. They remind you to have Christian charity and give them some money for their “rugby”. They teach you how to have pity so that you may go to heaven one day. What could be better than that?

Look at what happens now. We cast down a fallen angel called Alfredo Lim, for attempting to introduce the evils of “law and order”. We replaced him with the saintly Erap Estrada. Now people can enjoy the amusement of jueteng right across their streets. See, is this not heaven? This is in fact like the song said “Oooh heaven is a place on Earth!” You have even no MOA, we have MOA and you can swim at Manila Bay and not get sick.

Alam mo? Marami nang nag sorry sa amin dahil hindi nila kaya. Kaya we demand a public apology! Magkaisa tayo mga Pinoy laban sa mga banyaga! Mabuhay ang lahing kamyumanggi! Ipaglaban natin ang ating lahi! Sa mga Pinoy na deindepensahan si Dan Brown, mga traidor kayo ng ating lahi. Mga MAKAPILI! Mga walang utang na loob!  They are assholes! Mga abnormal lang sila! Mga elitista at inutil. Ano bang ginawa nila? Alam ko na may Illuminati at parte si Dan Brown don!

Mga katutubo ng Katagalugan magkaisa tayo! Supilin ang mga racists sa mundo! I am proud to be Penoy! Sabi nga ni Rizal “Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika ay higit pa sa amoy ng mabahong isda”

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37 comments on “Shame On You Dan Brown, Fliplandia is On the Centre of Hell!

  1. LemonadeStand
    May 24, 2013

    Do you have ANY idea how you sound like?

    You must feel bad ass right now, with what you’ve written down – huh? Idiot

    • LemonadeStand
      May 24, 2013

      …it’s also what I don’t get about US – I mean, your kinds of people

      You love insulting your own country, own brothers and sisters so much, and yet an Author who simply writes about this place being a gate of Hell is bad? Christ you call this place Hell! Even I call this place hell. and to what Brown has written, his’ is only but a spec of dust compared to how WE all ruin the name of our own country.

      You my friend, and many most Filipinos are Hypocrites.

      Mind you – Dan Brown made an EXCELLENT and WONDERFUL way of describing this corrupt, idiotic, foolish, and merciless country. Be thankful he didn’t make it worse. – Expound on the truth, that is.

      • dachronicler
        May 24, 2013

        Lel butthurt Flipfag who cannot even think rationally. why, because the truth hurts? flipfags are nothing but a bunch of people high on their egos and without pride, they are nothing.

      • DaidoKatsumi
        May 26, 2013

        Have you read the whole article. The author states it’s more like a SATIRE.

        But what can I say? EMO Pinoys would think of it as an ‘insult’ rather than a CHALLENGE on how to improve our country. Even Erap himself backed up Dan Brown’s points.

        If you’re just here to TROLL and to make fun, then stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.

      • Militaires Sans Frontiers
        May 26, 2013

        Please next time learn the difference between satire and serious because it’s obvious na wala kang alam. Oh so you hate people hating this country? How about hating Rizal as well FLIPFAG because he actually portrayed in his novels more of the incompetence of indio de trapos like you than the Spaniards.
        And fictional or not, totoo naman na “Gates of Hell” ang Manila eh. Kahapon lang mula sa pagsundo ng aking ama from NAIA1, sa may kalsada papuntang NAIA2 biglang may isang palamuning squatter na nagpapanggap na mabait sa paglinis ng windshield ng sasakyan namin para lang makahingi sya ng pera dahil obvious na balikbayan ang ama ko. Hindi na lang namin sya pinansin para umalis na lang sya. But no dahil nagpapansin talaga sya’t tinaas nya yung wiper ng sasakyan namin. Buti na lang nag-go signal na, nilayuan na namin sya’t binalik na yung wiper. Ngayon huwag mong sabihin ipagtanggol mo pa ang squatter na iyan kasi para mo na ring pinatunayan na isa kang dakilang bastos. And either taga-squatter ka o may matinong pamumuhay pero utak squatter ka.
        Just admit the fact that you want to remain this country as a basketcase thanks to your dysfunctional mindset. DON’T YOU EVER DENY IT FLIPFAG because you’re obviously showing it on what you’re posting it here.

    • dachronicler
      May 24, 2013

      LOL can’t you understand satire. My apology for a Flipfag who cannot even understand satire and FICTION. Wala lang kwenta ang pinag aralan mo.

    • dachronicler
      May 24, 2013

      Pathetic crybaby lel 😛

      • LemonadeStand
        May 25, 2013

        lol I am the crybaby? Look at this journal you’ve written down – look at how much hate there are in all these wrong dumb ass grammar. Mind you – you only make any author out there think twice before they even call this God forsaken country a GATE. Because my friend, looking at you – you seem to be a ranting dumb ass kid who thinks he knows how to speak. Don’t fuck about us telling you’re a proud ass Filipino, if you were, you’d write this whole crap in Tagalog.

        …because like all Filipinos (in this day and age), especially the government – you, my friend, cease to think

      • dachronicler
        May 26, 2013

        Friend, can’t you understand satire in the first place? Hanapin mo kung nasaan ka sa mga stupidong tao na ganyan ang argumento pag na bubutthurt ang mga Pinou. Ang babaw ng utak mo, utak sabaw. Lel 😛

    • lemonadefaggot
      June 11, 2013

      shut up faggot

  2. T
    May 25, 2013

    LOL stay classy, dachronicler

  3. wenden
    May 25, 2013

    everything is funny……what can I say truth hurts….

    • wenden
      May 25, 2013

      especially you are defending the mga tagalogs….what a shame contradictory to what youve said in your previous article….it only manifest the central power has the authority “if you are in the central seat of power you will feel the authority therefore you are supreme”. Im sorry manila is not for the tagalogs only….it is the center for all filipinos….well truth hurts manila really stinks…

      • dachronicler
        May 25, 2013

        This is A SATIRE. I am not defending the Tagalogs lel :3. God can’t Filipinos understand satire?

      • LemonadeStand
        May 25, 2013

        This is a Satire – look at all these dumb ass grammar. Indeed this is humorous! This sad little feller’ here is a hypocrite.

      • dachronicler
        May 26, 2013

        All of the dumb ass grammar here are intended. Are you so butthurt Flipfag? You failed as a Grammar Nazi this time. So do not justify your blind nationalistic fervour to me.

      • wenden
        May 27, 2013

        ah ok sattire it is……then you have add more….

  4. LemonadeStand
    May 25, 2013

    Stop pretending you know English, friend. Your English is as bad as yourself. Look at the numerous dumb ass shit you’re making. Flipfag? My friend, go ask your mother.

    You truly do not understand what you have been saying… If only you’d knew – you’ve made your brothers look even worse with what you have written, and the thought of yourself being a genius who thinks he understands things.

    • dachronicler
      May 26, 2013

      Lel you are a moron, you cannot even argue properly, who the fuck will defend the supposed “Filipino race”. You will defend your fellow morons because they are offended? You failed as a Grammar Nazi a second time. BTW I admit my English is below to average because it is not my first language in the first place. You cannot provide legitimate arguments and that is why you are resorting to this bullcrap.

      • LemonadeStand
        May 26, 2013

        Intended grammar. LOL So you do know you are a dumb ass… That wen’t farther than I have most expected… I am a Grammar Nazi – Heil. Ok, let’s get it over with. How can’t I argue properly, when you are here, replying like an idiot to every thing that I am saying. How is this not an argument? I will defend my fellow morons because they are offended – again, I cannot understand what you meant by this. I am defending no body, not even myself. This only proves your foolish idiotic childish ignorance. You sir have resorted to a backlash of nothing but bull SHIT (I’d rather you make sense than make some words up). You have proven to be worse than a fool people call here “LemonadeStand” Look at you, climbing so high and far, trying to insult me the best way you can. My friend, I never intended and expected you’d ask immaturely. As a writer, you should know when a man is making fun or wanting to have fun or when he is directly insulting you. You sir make a fine example of the worse there can be as a citizen, here in our God forsaken shit hole we all call The Philippines. You know to yourself you are mad over a “LemonadeStand” over the internet – as I can read from the tone of your words.

        As you’ve said before, I cannot argue properly. Well my friend, I choose not to argue – but to anger thee. Pathetic, you bit right into it… Look at what kind of an idiot I have made out of you.

        …you are so infused with anger hahaha – Don’t deny it my friend… You wouldn’t use bull shit if you weren’t.

      • dachronicler
        May 26, 2013

        Pathetic emo twat, talagang utak banga ka ba talaga o Troll. You are only embarrassing yourself you stupid Flip. *facewall*

      • dachronicler
        May 26, 2013

        Why did you came to this small blog BTW? BTW Thank you for your compliments. I has shocked of our ‘intelligent’ arguments. I had understanded that the Failippinos are very ‘rational’ and very ‘open minded’. How interesting to see that you gave your ‘unbiased’ comment.

        I has so infused with anger that I has insulted the ‘Filipino race’. Well are you contented of your pathetic whining you son of a bitch?

        Infused with anger? Lel, who the fuck will not be angry at some stupid idiots commenting in the Internet that they are demanding a public apology for a foreigner…………for a millionth time.

        For the love of Christ, what do you expect me to react on these morons? Happy because they are defending the Filipino race from ‘evil’ foreigners? Lel, you are defending their narrow-mindedness to the current realities of the world.

        How pathetic for intellectuals to fight one another because of their petty quarrels or rivalries. We are not children anymore to character assassinate somebody and make fun of them. That is why the Failippines will remain as the Sick Man of Asia because our society is so fucked up.

      • dachronicler
        May 26, 2013

        I can say this to you: You are nothing but a scum.

      • T
        May 26, 2013

        VIVA ILL FAILIPINADIA
        ALL HEIL THE PROUD-TO-BE GRAMMAR NAZI
        (even if real nazis would just kick his ass for being non-aryan)

    • Daryl Vincent
      May 26, 2013

      hi LemondeStand

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

      click on that..
      and educate yourself..

      you’re welcome po..

      😀

    • Militaires Sans Frontiers
      May 26, 2013

      And stop pretending that da pinoys like you are the most perfect human beings in the whole world. Marami ka pa ring kakaining bigas indio de trapo. Btw hindi yata mabenta ang lemonade mo. Either walang dumadaan na customers sa pipitsuging tindahan mo o isa kang dakilang bastos sa kanila dahil ayaw mong masabihan ka na baduy iyang lemonade mo dahil pera lang ang habol mo at hindi quality ng lemonade mo. And that applies to your anti-criticism, mr. perfect mindset that you are whining here like a bitch FLIPFAG.

  5. kremlin28
    May 26, 2013

    Filipinos we must understand the truth.

  6. LemonadeStand
    May 26, 2013

    lol I am not pretending? Nor am I saying anything wrong – it’s just the truth. My mistake, all of you are all inbreeds. There is of no use trying to even defend what I am trying to say here.

    I will always know I am better, than all of you. Hehe! Kahit anumang insulto ang gawin niyo – hinding hindi ako iiyak, tulad nang dinadamdam niyo sa mga inay ninyo.

    Porke lang ba nagsama ang itsura, lalabanan agad? Iyan ang nakasulat, mga kapatid. Idiniin niyo lang ang katotohanan. 🙂

    • LemonadeStand
      May 26, 2013

      Christ – ahhh, I tried deleting – but it won’t let me. Anyways, good game. lol

    • Militaires Sans Frontieres
      May 27, 2013

      Oh wow you just went full retard “intellect”. My comment on your “genius”/Wile E. Coyote mindset: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpA2GOIKzjI

      • Militaires Sans Frontieres
        May 27, 2013

        Oh a btw, with that “intellect” of yours, I bet you don’t know the meaning of life as well. I mean what good is an intellect if you can’t use your head critically and common sense?

      • LemonadeStand
        May 27, 2013

        lol sure – ok

    • Flip
      July 3, 2013

      I just read your comments. Eto lang masasabi ko sa’yo: Tonto.

  7. LemonadeStand
    May 26, 2013

    Haha – Perhaps, I have lost the battle. If anyone got offended – I am most sorry for that. Again – just wanting to have fun.

    I would perfectly understand those who try and insult me more – but alas, I have lost, and I withdraw. Good game, good good game. 🙂 (Not being sarcastic here)

    I am deeply saddened to have accepted this – but there is no sense anymore. People get angry – I don’t like that. I have pushed too far, maybe. But in all honesty – I’ve tried to win and get tempers rising. and in all honesty – I got duped by my own game. So I thank you all for the lessons, educations and the things you have told me. Believe me – I am serious. To those who just thinks this is another “bullshit” I am trying to pull off – it isn’t. I’d expect to see more – and be the bad guy. I mostly enjoy being the fool in the game.

    Again – good game to all of you, cheers.
    Greetings from Haiti

    • A
      May 27, 2013

      I laugh at all of you, seriously. Please stop. 😛

    • PUTANGINAMO
      June 11, 2013

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